# 007 03/09/2009
It's Always About Me (Part I)
The physicist Leo Szilard once announced to his friend Hans Bethe that he was thinking of keeping a diary: “I don’t intend to publish. I am merely going to record the facts for the information of God.” “Don’t you think God knows the facts?” Bethe asked. “Yes,” said Szilard. “He knows the facts, but He does not know this version of the facts.”So goes the thought process of every person. We all have our very own opinions, thoughts and ideas. We all feel (in some, shape, form or fashion) that we have a better idea of what God thinks (or expects) than anyone else. This, above everything is what sets us apart from every other animal. Some say opposing thumbs set us apart from every other animal – I say, the ability to disagree on virtually everything is what sets us apart and drives us to perform (or not perform).
With humans, it’s always about me. That’s right, say it… “it’s always about me.” It has to be about me. How can it be about anyone else but me? You can try the putting “shoe on the other foot” and you can try to understand the other person’s viewpoint; you can even “seek first to understand, then to be understood”. This is all very nice, but when it comes to the bottom line fact of the matter, the only viewpoint you have to filter anything through is your own.
Your personal outlook on life is established by your childhood, your relationship with parents, your relationship with the other sex, your education, your income, status, job, and so on. No one has the same life experiences as you. No one has seen what you have seen. No one has felt as you have felt. No one has felt your pain, your tears, your joy or your sadness. In the words of that great 20th Century philosopher Tom Petty, “no one knows how it feels to be me.”
Given the differences of each one of us, it is a wonder we can accomplish anything as a group or organization. This is a testament to the versatility of man (and by man I mean men and women and children… nothing sexist here!) and our ability to compromise. The ability to compromise and even listen to others opinions (given our natural propensity to see everything differently), is an admirable trait.
Working together is not easy. Take a look at today’s headlines. Virtually every conflict we have is a result of our having different views of things. Some want this, some want that, and so on down the line.
What’s interesting is that we generally get divided into groups of what we agree on. So we say, ok, I’m a Republican or I’m a Democrat. Then we go to work on “getting what we want” accomplished. As we (collectively) start to get our agenda in place, we begin to break down into differences of opinion on the larger issues, dividing the argument into even smaller issues that we can disagree on, ultimately bringing the debate into a smaller and smaller arenas of disagreement!
Take a look at the current political situation. The Democrats won the recent elections and immediately went to work on their “mandate” to change the activism and controls of the Federal Government. Yes, a budget “stimulus” was put in place very quickly, but the arguments on the broader issues and clearer points are just beginning. It is the very nature of the human experience that once a political party takes the majority and starts to work on their mandate, the bickering on the smaller items starts, the organization starts to implode, they turn on each other and ultimately lose power. Luckily for the average American citizen this process is constant!
We immediately start questioning the other person’s motives and actions. I’ve believed for years that we judge others by their outward actions, ourselves by the intentions of our hearts. Can you see where the problems can arise with this viewpoint? This is the natural view point. I can’t know what you are thinking or feeling. All I can know is what you actually do. Me, on the other hand can do the wrong thing (in your eyes) but I have the satisfaction of knowing that my intention is “pure” (or not so pure), so what I did might not be so bad… I mean, “I had good intentions”.
We must understand that with every person, it is always about “me”. By the very nature of our existence it can be no other way. The beauty of the human condition is that we do have the ability to compromise and try to understand the other person’s ideas or viewpoints. We must understand that any opinion other than our own is filtered through the other person’s life experiences, and our own. And, more importantly, this is not always a bad thing. Once we commit to this understanding we are well on the road to emotional intelligence.
Now is a time change. We are living in an era of change. For good or bad, better or worse, this is an era of change. The future (our future) will not be like the past. The future [probably] will not be like we think it will be. The rate of change will be faster than ever before. If we are to adapt and succeed in the future, we must be willing to change.
I do not mean change our principles, but change our attitudes towards others. Be willing to listen and consider other views. I agree with Thomas Jefferson, “In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of opinion, swim with the fishes.”
If we are going to continue to move forward we need to learn to listen to others and consider their viewpoint. There are certain principles that should not be altered. The questions to ask yourself:
How many of my “principles” are really just my opinions that I have developed over the years?
How committed am I to a view or attitude that really is not a principle, just comfortable for me?
Am I willing to change my outlook in order to save myself (and others) pain and frustration?
Change is not easy… life is not easy, but it can be a little easier!
Stay Tuned for Part II
With warmth and regards (as always),
Allen
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